Sorry, I'm a lazy sod.

It's been a while since I've posted anything here. There's a few reasons for this: busy at work, post-season football hangover, general laziness. We've also had friends over from Melbourne for the Fringe & WOMADelaide. WOMAD was awesome. If you ever get the chance to see the Bedouin Jerrycan Band or Paprika Balkanicus, I suggest you take it.

Anyway, here's a short recap of some things that have happened in Australian football since my last post:

- Newcastle Jets are rubbish. Lost 2-0 away to Beijing in the ACL, with Joel and Ryan Griffiths inflicting some of the damage. Seriously, who loans their best player to a club that they're about to play?

- Central Coast are rubbish. Drew 0-0 at home to Pohang Steelers, in one of the most godawful matches I've ever had the misfortune to attempt to stream over the internet.

- The A-League based Socceroos are rubbish. Lost 0-1 to Kuwait in Canberra. I didn't watch the game but it sounds like the players and Pim Verbeek should all give each other dead legs as punishment for their sheer crapness. I don't get how they can be so bad: on an individual basis these players are all good enough to be playing at a reasonable level in Europe (maybe League 1 or Championship in England, Dutch 2nd Division, etc), and they are doing well for their clubs in the A-League. Put them all on the pitch together, though, and they have forgotten how to pass, control the ball, and carry out the basic functions expected of a professional footballer.

Very strange. Mind you, even the European-based Socceroos big boys generally play like crud against Asian opposition. If you don't believe me, merely cast your mind back to the 2007 Asian Cup....

- It looks like Scott Chipperfield is staying in Europe for another season, after all. Booo.

- Matt McKay has joined the exodus of A-League players going to China. We need to get some of that traffic coming the other way as well: more Shengqing Qus, Yuning Zhangs, Leilei Gaos in the A-League. Well, maybe not Yuning Zhang.

-Michael Petrillo has resigned as AUFC Director of Football, replaced by Michael Valkanis. I don't know whether this is a cost-saving mechanism, or piss ant politics, or what: if the former, maybe it's a good thing that the club is pulling funding from its administrative/management arms before cutting spending on players. Who knows, though. Hopefully United can get back to stability soon enough.

- The FFA has officially submitted its bid for Australia to host the 2018 or 2022 World Cup.

- An extremely wealthy Dubai-based sheik is reportedly interested in providing financial backing for Tasmania's bid for an A-League club licence. The mystery man is apparently the Saudi Arabian/Ethiopian Sheik Mohammed Hussein Ali Al Amoudi, the 43rd-richest man in the world. This guy has a net worth of $13.7 billion, and apparently once wrote a blank cheque for the Ethiopian government to build a 30,000 seat football stadium. A sugar daddy of this magnitude - he makes Clive Palmer look like small fry - would, needless to say, be brilliant for our little league. Lets hope there's something substantial to the rumours.

dontmentionthegrandfinal

In an effort to avoid thinking about the Grand Final, I've decided instead to focus on things of an international nature.

There's some interesting stuff going on at the moment with regards to the bids for the 2018/2022 World Cups. The FFA have announced the establishment of a FIFA World Cup Bid Team, chaired by Frank Lowy and led by Ben Buckley, as a business unit within its overall governance structure. Within a few months, there will be up to 15 staff working full time on the World Cup bid. An offshoot of this process is the formation of another bid team, headed by Rob Abernathy, working on Australia's submission to host the 2015 Asian Cup.

The A-League Head of Operations post, which was held by Abernathy, will be filled by the (now ex-) St Kilda Football Club CEO Archie Fraser. Despite his status in the world of eggpunching, Fraser is a round ball man at heart, having played professionally for Greenock Morton FC in Scotland (aye, the Pride of Clyde, the very same*) before moving to Australia in 1980 to play for the Queensland Premier League. Ben Buckley is obviously using his AFL connections well.

Meanwhile, our favourite national team coach Pim Verbeek has taken time out from sheeing the shexy girls at the coffee shop to pick a squad for the upcoming Asian Cup qualifier against Kuwait, to be played in Canberra on March 5. There are plenty of Reds boys in there:

Danny Allsopp (Melbourne), Fabian Barbiero (Adelaide United), Billy Celeski (Melbourne), Shannon Cole (Sydney FC), Robert Cornthwaite (Adelaide United), Tarek Elrich (Newcastle), Eugene Galekovic (Adelaide United), Dean Heffernan (Central Coast), Scott Jamieson (Adelaide United), Ben Kantarovski (Newcastle), Matthew McKay (Queensland), Craig Moore (Queensland), Daniel Mullen (Adelaide United), Mitch Nichols (Queensland), Tom Pondeljak (Melbourne), Paul Reid (Adelaide United), Matt Simon (Central Coast), Michael Theoklitos (Melbourne), Archie Thompson (Melbourne), Matthew Thompson (Newcastle), Nikolai Topor-Stanley (Newcastle), Rodrigo Vargas (Melbourne), Danny Vukovic (Central Coast), Michael Zullo (Queensland).

Making their first appearances in a 'Roos squad are Fabian Barbiero, Daniel Mullen, Queensland's Mitch Nicholls and Newcastle's impressive centre back, 17 year old Ben Kantarovski. I'm not going to try to predict a starting lineup, but we need to see more creativity out wide. Dodd was overlooked again for the squad - his form hasn't been great, but he's still the best pure right wing option in the A-League.

Anyway, I think that, on home turf, we will see a far better showing from the A-League Socceroos than was the case against Indonesia. Do it.

*Not that I'd ever heard of them, of course.

New Years' Wish List

Happy 2009, everyone. Well, the Middle East might be on the path to self-destruction and the world economy is going down quicker than a hooker on the Titanic, but, on the upside, Adelaide United are doing pretty well and the A-League is heating up on the run in to the finals. But, there's always room for improvement. So, here's a list of all the things I would like to see in Australian football in 2009:

1. Adelaide romp in the A-League premiership, then crush Melbourne 6-0 in front of a capacity crowd at Hindmarsh to take the Championship (I know this is wishful thinking: if Adelaide win the rights to host the Grand Final it would probably be held at Footy Park). They therefore qualify for entry into the 2010 Asian Champions League.

2. Central Coast Mariners have a good run in the ACL, including beating Newcastle in the quarter final in the biggest match the F3 derby has ever seen. Sasho Petrovski and Joel Griffiths are both red carded for simultaneously kicking each other in the testicles.

3. The State Government agree to go halvsies with Adelaide United in a 30,000 capacity rectangular stadium on the North Terrace railyards, able to expand to 50,000 should Australia win the 2018/2022 World Cup bid. The design of the stadium is lauded as a truly iconic and revolutionary building (OK now I've really lost the plot, time to get back to reality Bill!)

4. Gold Coast and North Queensland debut in the A-League with healthy crowds and plenty of excitement. North Queensland defy the odds by not sitting in stone motherless last spot at the end of the year, while Gold Coast make headlines by hosting the inaugural 'XXXX Gold Annual Beach Soccer XXXXtreme SuperBattle' during Schoolies - an invite-only beach football tournament also featuring LA Galaxy, Sydney FC, and cameos from a host of washed-up ex players, TV personalities, celebrities and boy band members. Paris Hilton puts in a decent showing and is signed by Sydney on a guest contract.

5. Several Australian players return from Europe to finish their career in the A-League. Mark Viduka signs for Adelaide after carefully weighing up an offer from Melbourne Victory. At their next home game, Melbourne fans conduct a protest by standing up in silence with their backs turned and unfurling a giant banner stating "Merrick Out!" Unfortunately the banner does not have the desired effect as it is facing the wrong way; Merrick signs a new 10-year deal with the club, who also pick up young Botswanan striker !Tuo Kcirrem on loan.

6. The Socceroos do well in their Asian Cup and World Cup qualifiers. Adelaide representatives like Ognenovski, Jamieson and Dodd feature heavily in the A-League based squads.

7. Crowds and TV ratings go up to such an extent that the NRL, ARU and AFL join forces in an attempt to defeat the scourge of the round ball. A new hybrid game, RealAussieProEggball, is quickly developed and forced into school curricula. It takes off around the world as well, with over two billion registered participants in South Africa, Ireland and the Federated Republic of Micronesia alone. The Toyota Collingwood Sharkies are crowned as the inaugural RAPE champions after a thrilling game that sees them upset the Queensland Bundy Bears by a score of 13 1/2 (103) for 16 to 23.12 4/5 for a gallon. The crowd goes wild when Troy Fackwit nails a last-minute minor convulsion.

The immovable brick wall of stupidity

Gustave Flaubert once said: "Stupidity is something immovable; you can't try to attack it without being broken by it." This is sound advice. This week, Rebecca Wilson came out with yet another anti-football article, this time bleating about the $45-odd million the Federal Government has pumped into the World Cup bid. There are, of course, plenty of sensible arguments against spending such a large amount of money on a sporting event. The problem with Wilson's article is that her arguments demonstrate a (deliberate?) ignorance of the issues at play, and stem instead from an emotional reaction informed by her own obvious dislike of football, the "terrible A-League", and its "fanatical fans".

Thus, I will not get angry - I will yield like a reed in a rapidly-flowing stream, recognising the immovable stupidity of trying to compare a bid for the World Cup with sports like swimming and Rugby League. The difference, of course, is that the World Cup cash promise is not just 'sports funding' - it's a well-thought-out political move to bring the biggest event in the world to Australia. It's our country flexing its muscles in the same way that it did when bidding for the 2000 Olympics. It's an exercise designed to increase Australia's international soft power standings, whether successful or not, and the economy will receive a huge boost if we actually host it. It's a win for the FFA and a considered gamble by the Federal Government. In all likelihood, if this $45 million was not going towards the World Cup bid, it probably wouldn't be spent on sport at all. It's not an either/or proposition.

I'm not angered by the fact that she is complaining about football's relative gains when other sports are missing out on the gravy train. Why? Because, to put it simply, it's an idiotic argument. Football is the most popular participation sport in Australia, by far, and is played by males and females of all ages and backgrounds. For years it has been the ugly sister, missing out while millions have been ploughed into the more fashionable cricket, Aussie Rules, and the Rugbies, as well as Olympic sports like swimming and rowing. Now it's time for a bit of equity, bitches. Why shouldn't football get more than other sports?

I can sense some righteous outrage building in my liver at the moment so I will move onto another point: her decrying of the fact that money will be spent on schmoozing FIFA bosses and other football bigwigs. Well, how else are we going to get the frigging thing? As if Australia didn't do exactly the same thing when bidding for the Sydney Games (and in fact a lot more than that: the words 'Olympics', 'Sydney', 'IOC' and 'corruption' make for an interesting Google search). Does Wilson complain about money being spent on the Olympics? Of course not. Would she rather see the World Cup bid money be put into Rugby League, a sport that is more or less unknown outside NSW and Queensland, the bulk of whose income is sourced from the wallets of pensioners and single mothers through poker machines, and whose 'World Cup' final failed to attract enough interest to fill Suncorp Stadium? Obviously, yes. Maybe I'm being unfair to Rugby League, though: its 'Rapists of Tomorrow' program for juniors has clearly been a successful initiative.

----

At this point I feel like I'm angrily beating my head against the immovable brick wall of stupidity, so I'll stop talking about Rebecca Wilson. Let's turn our attention to Geoff Roach's column in yesterday's Advertiser, shall we:

What the hell has Australian soccer done to deserve a $45 million handout from
Santa Rudd's Federal Government?

That one's easy, we've covered that: a) it's decided to bid for the world's biggest sporting event; and b) it's the most popular participant sport in Australia, bar none. Next.

voluminous stomachs of the conga line of lobbyists and power brokers

zzzzzz. Once again, show me another way to get anything done anywhere without anyone powerful getting a free lunch out of it. C'est impossible.

How does the AFL, the SANFL and the other Australian football codes feel about
such booty being thrown to foreigners, marketers, PR companies and other
assorted leeches rather than Australian kids playing the unique Australian game?

Well, if Mr Roach is representative of their opinions, pretty bitchy and borderline xenophobic, I'd say. An interesting exercise would be to count how many times Roach uses the word 'Australian' in the article. A cynical person might think that the use of the term is a deliberate device to paint football as an immoral foreign pastime indulged in by shady foreigners (probably black ones, too!) as opposed to our pure Australian game played by Australian kids. In Australia. Not that I'm accusing Roach of this: he's just a proud Aussie worried about Pies v Hawks having to be played elsewhere when the MCG's playing surface is invaded by a bunch of diving longhaired pansies and the stands are filled with hooligans that would stab you with a sharpened boat flare as soon as look at you.

It's fair to say that I got a bit angry reading Geoff Roach's article, as well. But there are little touches of stupidity in there alongside the fearmongering and implied racism. Calling the Football Federation of Australia 'FA', for example. It's FFA. FFS. If you're going to write something nasty about an organisation, and it's going to get published in a major newspaper, at least do the minimum amount of research to make sure you don't come off looking like an ignorant fool (like, you know, finding out the name of the organisation in question).

I'm not angry about what these people write. They're biased and ignorant, and they're clutching at straws in an effort to undo all the progress that our sport has made. I'm angry that so many people will get to read their stupid articles. And now I'm angry at myself for having spent the past two hours writing about those stupid assholes. Time for a cup of tea I think.

Lowy18 - Yes We Can!

Frank Lowy, like most people in influential positions, splits opinions. You may admire his business acumen, his passion for football and his tendency to throw sacks of his own money into the game. Or you may be wary of his slightly less-than-spotless business history, which includes the odd allegation of corruption, and the conflict of interest that came in his dual role as FFA Chairman and owner of Sydney FC. Or, you could be a raving anti-Semite that thinks that Lowy, like all Jews with money, is behind September 11, the credit crunch, climate change, and teenage pregnancy.

One thing that can't be denied is Lowy's huge influence on the resurgence of Australian football post-Crawford Report. It's hard to imagine that the A-League would have had such an impact were it not for Lowy's vision, investment and guiding hand. Likewise, his presence as a key FFA figure lends enormous weight to Australia's dealings with the wider football world. He's not the richest man in Australia for nothing: he knows how to schmooze and how to cut a good deal.

News came through this week that Frank Lowy has sold his majority stake in Sydney FC to Russian billionaire David Traktovenko, ex-owner of Zenit St. Petersburg, and healthcare magnate Paul Ramsay. Lowy claims that this is an ideal scenario - under Sydney's new ownership they will remain financially secure, Traktovenko and Ramsay will be able to inject new life into the club, and Uncle Frank will be able to devote his time and considerable influence to his other roles within Australian football. Goodbye conflict of interest, hello shady Russian billionaire sugar daddy (now that's not entirely fair: I'm just assuming he's shady by virtue of being a Russian billionaire).

Lowy's a wily old fox, though. What, we were supposed to just think he would slip away from Sydney and just quietly go about his business with the FFA? Of course not. There was something big in the pipeline.

And today, that big thing in the pipeline exposed itself: the Federal Government announced a $46 million commitment to Australia's bid for the 2018 World Cup. Yep, now we're cooking with gas. It's definitely an uphill struggle - we'll be smack in the middle of a new-Cold War wrangle between superpowers like the US, Russia, China and England - but, whatever, Johnny Warren told us so, and who am I to argue with the great man's ghost.

What this pledge means is that the Government really does recognise the importance of football as a political tool and a means through which Australia can project its image to the world. The World Cup is huge, and hosting it would be the biggest thing that has happened in Australia since Donald Bradman came home from Gallipoli and built the Opera House.

Let's hope that this news spurs the SA Government into getting its head out of the sand: $100 million for a few corporate boxes is not going to turn Footy Park into a World Cup-worthy venue. Screw the SANFL (they've been screwing everyone else for years) - Adelaide needs an up-to-date stadium with a rectangular configuration, close to the city, that's worthy of big football matches.

AUFC Chairman Dario Fontanarosa has been talking about the need for a new stadium for a while now. There are rumours that, indeed, the majority of the corporate backing needed for Estadio Dario has been secured. In an ideal world, Adelaide United would be able to build its own 25-30,000 capacity stadium under its own steam, with the Federal & State Governments kicking in the funds to increase it to necessary size for World Cup group matches, should Australia's bid be successful. I'm not holding my breath, but stranger things have happened.